Big Pussy Babe
Well, goddamnit, if a woodpecker can read a Sunday paper, why doesn't he ever get horny, why doesn't he go down to Chirp City and knock off a piece of fallen sparrow? Huh? The answer, of course, is that in the tiny, vodka soaked minds of Rand Corporation nitwits he does! Everybody knows animals have no shame. They do it right in the open, in the daylight. Squishy-squishy and hot flop all over the dichondra. Only trouble is, thanks to freeways and neon lights and The Jefferson Airplane, all our wonderful, uninhibited, singing, dancing, FUCKING wild creatures are getting creamed, rubbed out, decimated.But why the long face, America? Think you'll never see the mating lunge of the white rhino? Wrong! Think you'll never witness incest among juvenile baboons? Not so! Think the foreplay of jaguar is something they'll never show on TV? Again, wrong! It's all coming right into your living room this fall on 'Polly's Wild Safari'.Our preview showings of the first program, 'The Mystery of Baboon. Maybe she was enamored of my amazing popularity on my birthday.I pulled Jeff aside; well, he was standing right next to my chair.“Jeff, ask that lady at the end of the bar if she’d like to join the celebration,” I said, “she’s been staring at us for the past fifteen minutes. Maybe I’ll get lucky.” My bud smirked.“Yeah, for sure,” he said. I watched as he meandered over to the woman. Short, pretty, raven haired, confident: she was also a mystery, well, to me.I watched as he talked to her. She smiled and nodded in the affirmative. Now I smiled.He led her over to us.“Hi, I’m Sam,” I said, as Jeff led her to me. “I’m the honoree today, but I’m willing to share.” I was smiling.“Well, that’s nice,” she said. “Nice of you to invite me to the party.” She waved at the group surrounding us.“Our pleasure for sure, ma’am,” I said.“So what did you do to have so many friends attend your birthday party?” she said.“Nothing much, really, I won the bet is all, oh, and I got a little older,” I said.“A.
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