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Eventually visiting hours ended, and they had to leave, promising to come again first thing the next morning.It was nice to be free of the IV and sensors, but Sam found that he couldn't sleep. The bed was comfortable enough. It was fairly dark, though light came in under the door from the corridor. He just felt wide-awake. Perhaps, having slept for three days straight, his body didn't feel the need for rest. He lay there, staring up at the ceiling in the dim light and listening to the faint roaring in his ears. He'd mentioned that to the doctors, who had discussed something called 'tinnitus, ' but hadn't seem much enlightened. It really sounded, he thought, like the murmur of many voices; like a large crowd very far away. It was strange, but not unpleasant.At about two in the morning, the night nurse made her rounds. Looking in at his door, she saw that he was still awake and entered."Hi," the nurse said softly. "Are you all right? Do you need anything?"Sam looked at her. She was. ‘I don’t understand. I want a best friend and a lover. I want someone to open up. Someone who understands me. I can’t find that. I don’t understand.’ These women were jaded. Hurt. Angry. Never again, they said. It’s over, James told himself through clenched teeth. I’m finished playing the ‘good guy.’ I don’t want another man’s sloppy seconds. I don’t want the sad, empty, hollow woman who gave her very best to a man who never deserved it. If this is how the game is played, then let’s begin. Blow the whistle. I’m ready. James was a cauldron of fury, determined to get a piece of the sexually adventurous pie. Determined not to finish in second place. He dances in his basement, adorned with black trunks and bright red boxing gloves, abusing a punching bag as both physical exercise and mental determination. ‘Women, you give away the best you have to offer to assholes,’ James growls to an empty room as he continues to take out his frustrations on the bag. ‘When you are at your most.
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