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I try to pull it out, but my jaw clenches and fights the retainer’s liberation. Undaunted, I wrap all my fingers around the front wire and begin to pull, but my jaw and lips obstinately resist. The wrenching force grossly twists the metal. The green body of the retainer detaches from the roof of my mouth, a small victory. My jaw has now reached muscle failure, leaving my cheeks and lips as the last barrier to my mouth’s freedom. My sister is now laughing maniacally at my struggle. Blue. The wires dig and cut jagged fissures through my cheeks and gums. White. I force the left side out first, but the right back wire catches behind my front teeth. Grey. Having come this far in war, I cannot surrender now. I pull with all my remaining might. The back wire flexes under the pressure. It grinds and gnashes my teeth, grating off enamel in chunks and fine white powder, which I feel fall onto my lips. The roots struggle to keep my teeth from being torn out of my gums. The front wire bends into. Yeah, or… well you used it as one a lot. I’m actually pretty sure that ‘bottle opener’ wasn’t among it’s original list of uses. ‘Oh.’ Betty returned to her game of chess and Diego started pressing buttons on his bottle opener. For the most part he would press a button and it would beep back cheerily at him with no apparent effect. ‘Hmm…’ There is an instruction manual you know. ‘Instruction manual? What do I need one of those for? I’ve got this thing figured out just fine.’ Uh-huh, Betty nodded, clearly not believing Diego. ‘Instruction manuals are for sissies.’ Five minutes passed with much of the same button pressing, cheery beeping, and no progress. ‘Instruction manual you say?’ Mmhm. Diego paused for a moment, then continued pressing buttons. Just as he was about to turn up a dial that looked like it might be the volume Betty stopped him. I wouldn’t do that. ‘Do what?’ Turn that dial. ‘Why not?’ That’s the self-destruct timer. ‘I see.’ Diego’s hand made a hasty retreat. ‘So.
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