”“Do you know what he’s going to say? Tell me. I don’t think I want to listen to one of Dad’s talks right now.”“I know about it. Please trust me. This will be better if Dad explains it. Until then, see if you can put all that aside for a while. I know how your brain works. I want you to press the pause button on everything to do with Mum. Can you do that for me?”“But she humiliated me! If Tara or I did something like that to each other, we’d be getting punished right now, something fierce.”“Pause button!”“Okay, I’ll try!”I didn’t want to, but I rarely refuse to do anything Dan asks of me. I closed my eyes and tried to look inside my brain. All those thoughts racing around in my head, I herded into a back corner of my brain and put a fence around them. It wasn’t a strong fence. They yelled out and reached through the fence, trying to grab me, but they were stuck there for a while. It didn’t leave a lot of room in my head for the rest of me to operate, there were a lot of thoughts. I got ready and went over there, getting there just after 10. I knocked on the door – even though I’d been going to Matt’s for a number of years, and been told by his parents to just come straight in, I find it cheeky and so wouldn’t do it. He answered and told me to come in. I stepped through the threshold and took my trainers off, before turning and closing the door. “Alright”, he said.“Yeah, you?” I replied.“Yeah, I’ve actually just got dressed about 5 minutes ago, though.”“Lazy cunt” I said with a smile, quieter now, as his parents and younger sister could’ve been in the next room. As it turned out, his parents were in the next room watching TV and his sister was out shopping with friends. Bit spoilt, I always thought. His parents greeted me and I politely exchanged with them for a minute or two. When I was about to make my excuses and head up with Matt to his room, I briefly glanced at a small pile of cleaned clothes on the sofa, including a few pairs of her knickers. A few.
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