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18. Every time I walk into a singles bar I can hear Mom's wise words, "Don't pick that up, you don't know where it's been."19. A good friend will come and bail you out of jail, a true friend will be sitting next to you saying, "Damn, that was fun."These are compliments of DorsetmikeIn the convent a young girl has just reached the end of her novitiate and has an interview withMother Superior;"Do you wish to continue in the faith?" Yes Mother" OK, you will now be able to stop the duties you were tasked with as a novitiate, so that you have more time for your devotions" Oh! may I continue to bath the old abbott?" Why on earth would you want to do that?" Well Mother, he has this marvellous thing between his legs, he told me it was St Peter's finger, I sit on it every night and it's the most heavenly feeling" He said it's WHAT???????? He told me it was Gabriel's horn, I've been blowing it for the last 20 years!The next girl comes in:"Do you wish to continue in the faith?" I'm sorry Mother. Your. Dick! You. Fucking. Moron!" "I'm not!" "Babo," Tiffany took off her glasses and rubbed the bridge of her nose. "Look, fucking you is messing with the study!" "How? I'm not going to let it distract me!" "Let's say we gather all the data and it shows the temperature is rising, because we all fucking know it will, and we get that published." Tiffany was gesturing with her hands and talking slowly like she was speaking to a small child. "And then it comes out that the head of the study was boning the person who was supposed to be providing independent 'unbiased' verification." "Oh..." David bit the inside of his lip as he started to play out that scenario in his head. "'Oh' is fucking right! They don't need to actually invalidate the study! They just need an excuse to ignore it!" "I..." David struggled to find a proper response, "I-I'll talk to her. Maybe she-" "Oh fuck!" "Look, I said I'll talk to her!" "No! Look!" Tiffany pointed at the water. Right next to the buoy was.
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