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I knew it would be futile to even try. My mind was racingabout how meeting with Karen was going to go. I knew that today wasgoing to have some breakthroughs. How could it not? First, I amtaking the step to talk with a stranger about who I really am. Thiswould be the first time someone meets me not as Ben. Well, not as theBen I thought I was.It has only been 100 days since I started discovery of who I am, butusing the name Ben felt strange. I know that names are nothing morethan labels and do not make the person. Still, when I think of myselfI do not think I am a Ben. Also, the labels people give others is thefoundation on which they base how they treat them.Stacy must have heard me go downstairs for she joined me as I wasbrewing a pot of coffee. I know it is nothing major her coming downto be with me before a big event. That's what friends do. Us talkingbefore me meeting Karen was major for it gave me the courage to dresshow I wanted. I wore a nice cotton floral top with slacks,. So, I just slobbered and licked that lollipop for a while. Finally, Gus put his hand on my shoulder."You might want to save that for later," he said gently, as he looked down at me and stroked my wet hair."OK," I answered, "I'm a little sore also." I have the cure for that!" he told me with a wink.He turned off the water and we got out, but he didn't give me time to dry off. Instead he led me through the den and opened the curtain and the patio door to reveal a large hot tub on the covered and screened in patio. It looked out into his fenced backyard and was very private."Shall we?" he asked. We went out and Gus removed the cover before we got in. The water was hot, but we adjusted in a few minutes. It was very relaxing, and we both just sat there and let the tensions ease out of us into the hot water. Soon our whole bodies were relaxed as we watched the shadows shift in the late afternoon light. I was nearly asleep in the hot water sometime later when Gus spoke again."Do you want.
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