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It was when she was leaving that it dawned on me what she had said: “yesterday’s headache.” Oh, no, my remembrance of yesterday was all part of a very long dream. I must be going crazy when I could not tell what was a part of my dream and what was real life! Dammit, maybe I did need a psychiatrist after all, despite my fear of the looney bin.My brother Jimmy was quite a bit less flighty than Mom, so maybe he was the one I should talk to. I don’t know why I was so reluctant to talk to my father, but I was avoiding him, and I knew it. Maybe it was because he was the hardheaded businessman-type who would say, “If you have a problem, bring in the expert.” Well, he would consider the expert to be a psychiatrist, and I just was not ready for that, yet.This was a Wednesday, so Jimmy would be home ostensibly working on homework, but more likely looking a porn on the web. He had long ago learned to defeat the curbs put on his viewing options—Dad knew that and didn’t care, but Mom was too naïve. That saddened me, but I could not deny it.She told me what a tough day she had and went to bed. I sat in front of the television, trying to decide if I should try for revenge, and if so, how?I mulled it over way into the night. I finally admitted to myself that she had been my wife, partner, and lover too long to try to hurt her. We had two children together. She was their mother. She was taking care of her needs. I needed to concentrate on mine. After years of marriage and raising children, I had become accustomed to placing my needs last. It was now more important that I take care of myself and take steps to make my life what it should be. It was a waste of my effort and time to concentrate on revenge. Living well would be the best payback.I slept very little that night. I was up early the next day. I left the house before Bonnie was out of bed. I really didn't have the stomach to see or listen to her. The problem was, where should I go? I didn't even know of many places that were.
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