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All of these are merely dreams that can never be and if I hold onto them then I will never know peace. We will never be together and I know that, with every bit of my being, I know it but God, how do you let it all go? Something so strong and sure? How do you implore your heart of hearts to see reason and allow yourself to heal? How do you tell it to speak with your head and actually listen? To understand that this pain, this appalling heartache, could and will happen again if I continue to do this to myself. I know my dream is a warning of what will, undoubtedly, come to pass for me and that it is yet another attempt at my head trying to bombard me with rationalism. This fact is what holds me back and what keeps that impossible dream lingering. I understand that it is only my mind rehashing the trauma and fear in order to protect my body from further damage. Knowing this gives me hope that perhaps the ending of these events could still yet turn to my favor and I could get my. She didn't like Rome any longer. Slowly she worked on Maxiums to retire and move elsewhere. They had the money and the means to support themselves.With Arminius' death back in Germany, the threat of being assassinated by his cohorts had diminished greatly. She even entered into German lore as the goddess who slain many of their tribes. She was given credit for deaths she had nothing to do with.Plus both Maximus and Penelope began to feel their middle age. Painful arthritis became their daily foe. Agrippa opted to join Tiberius' army and was training at Mars Hill. Attia wanted to go with her parents. The males in Rome were too wild of a bunch including from noble families. Some of these men were into pleasure and didn't want to serve time to protect the Empire.Penelope suggested getting a place in southern Spain where the climate was much more agreeable to them then in Rome. Maximus was there early in his career and had described it to her as a wonderful paradise. There were some.
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