Neither momnor Nana had told me to do one or the other, they only pointed out thedifficulties, leaving the decision to me alone. I thought about what shesaid about Ralph, wondering how he could ever think of me as a girl, butset that aside as I envisioned myself getting ready each day, how Iwould fit in with the other kids. Would I be just another girl or anobject of derision. If the claims I saw on the Internet were true, thenI would be safe from ridicule, only Ralph and Gail knowing the truth,and I just knew that I could trust them.While mom said that she would leave the decision to me, it was only withher approval. I could not make a decision like that without her. My mindwas swirling with visions of the problems I might encounter, the hatred,the violence, the total lack of friends. Yet through all that, I knewthat I didn't have a choice. I wanted to become a girl more thananything, and I was hoping that the appliances mom wanted to see were asgood as advertised. Otherwise I would. Wonderful.If Eric pushed him, said something like ‘fine, let’s go, I’ll take you home’, his dad would probably die. Maybe not today, maybe not tomorrow, but he’d deteriorate into a fat tub of lard until his heart gave up or his blood-sugar levels destroyed him from the inside out. And his dad didn’t want that. Stubborn and stupid as he was, he didn’t want that. But he was stubborn enough that, if Eric pushed him on it, the dumbass would agree to go home, and be done with the hospital.Every time Eric was in the hospital, he juggled that fucking option in his mind. Keep his dad alive, because he knew his dad wanted to live, despite his stupidity and resistance. Or, let his dad die due to his own incompetence and laziness. Let him die, so he’d be out of your life. Just an anchor holding you down.Anchor that kept you from going adrift in a storm.“Question for you, pops.”“Yeah? Thought you got the world figured out by now, don’t need no advice from anyone.”“Yeah, well, lot of weird shit.
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