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.. but all mine ever says is good-bye.You’re not fat, you’re just easier to see.If you think nobody cares whether you’re alive, try missing a couple of payments.I always wondered what the job application is like at Hooters. Do they just give you a bra and say, “Here, fill this out?”I can’t understand why women are OK that JC Penny has an older women’s clothing line named, “Sag Harbor.”My therapist said that my narcissism causes me to misread social situations. I’m pretty sure she was hitting on me.My 60 year kindergarten reunion is coming up soon and I’m worried about the 175 pounds I’ve gained since then.Denny’s has a slogan, “If it’s your birthday, the meal is on us.” If you’re in Denny’s and it’s your birthday, your life sucks!The pharmacist asked me my birth date again today. I’m pretty sure she’s going to get me something.The location of your mailbox shows you how far away from your house you can go in a robe before you start looking like a mental patient.I think it’s pretty cool. A lot.”Mary said, “I’m sure you did David. It sure took you long enough. We’ve been waiting for 20 minutes.”“I apologize Mary but I had to stay in the shower for quite a while to help my old bones recover.”They both were eyeing me with suspicious looks on their faces. Finally, Melanie said, “You fucked her didn’t you.”“Don’t be silly. What would a gorgeous young woman like that want with an old geezer like me.”“Really David?” Mary said. “First, we’re proof of the effect you have on women and second, I’ve been around long enough to see when a woman has that look on her face so please don’t be coy with me. It’s insulting.”“I’m not sure what I did to deserve this but if you’re angry with me I’d better go sit elsewhere,’ I said.I went to get up but Melanie grabbed my arm and said, “Just sit down and enjoy breakfast. Good for you if you got some of that. I might enjoy some myself some day.”“You are simply incorrigible Melanie,”. Mary said.Thankfully breakfast arrived and the mood.
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