Impish Neighbors

How do you feel?’ Slim says, ‘I feel just like a newborn baby.’ ‘Really!? Like a newborn baby!?’ ‘Yep. No hair, no teeth, and I think I just wet my pants.’A senior citizen said to his eighty-year old buddy: ‘So I hear you’re getting married?’ ‘Yep!’ ‘Do I know her?’ ‘Nope!’ ‘This woman, is she good looking?’ ‘Not really.’ ‘Is she a good cook?’ ‘Naw, she can’t cook too well.’ ‘Does she have lots of money?’ ‘Nope! Poor as a church mouse.’‘Well, then, is she good in bed?’ ‘I don’t know.’ ‘Why in the world do you want to marry her then?’ ‘Because she can still drive!’Three old guys are out walking. First one says, ‘Windy, isn’t it?’Second one says, ‘No, it’s Thursday!’ Third one says, ‘So am I. Let’s go get a beer... ‘A man was telling his neighbour, ‘I just bought a new hearing aid. It cost me four thousand dollars, but it’s state of the art ... It’s perfect.’‘Really, ‘ answered the neighbour. ‘What kind is it?’ ‘ Twelve thirty... ‘Morris, an 82 year-old man, went to the doctor to get a. Yet another confirmation how she was in control. “Right Phil, nearly there. Just the cane is left. Go and pick a couple.” I looked at them, not sure what type would hurt the least. I picked several up, and wondered should I pick long and flexible or short and stiff. In the end I plumped for two which Zoe held for a moment and said “very brave” and smiled. I looked at her, questioning. “Very dense these two. They are going to hurt.” I was about to ask if I could change them but again Zoe read my mind. “They are your choices and you have to stick with them. Remember that when I cane you with them.” I watched as she took two other canes, swished them, and said “these will hurt as well, so don’t feel too badly” as she laughed knowing the pain she was about to inflict on me. “Bend over the stool Phil.” I did as I was told and Zoe brushed her fingers down my back. I am normally ticklish.
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