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I will make you ache, shake & sweat until you moan & groan.I will make you beg for mercy, beg for me to stop.I will exhaust you to the point that you will be relievedwhen I’m finished with you.And, when I am finished, you will be weak for days.All my love,signed: The FluNow, stop thinking about sex, and go get your flu shot!----An air traffic control tower suddenly lost communication with a small twin engine aircraft!A moment later the tower land line rang and was answered by one of the employees!The passenger riding with the pilot who lost communications was on a cellular phone!He yelled, “Mayday, mayday! The pilot had an instant and fatal heart attack! I grabbed his cell phone out of his pocket and he had told me before we took off he had the tower on his speed dial memory! I am flying upside down at 18,000 feet and traveling at 180 mph! Mayday, mayday!”The employee in the tower immediately put him on speaker phone!“Calm down, we acknowledge you and we’ll guide you down after a few. .”In the Pub the other day I was telling that old joke about what you do if you see an epileptic having a fit in the bath. Answer; throw in your washing.We were all having a good laugh about this, when this big bastard tapped me on the shoulder and said “I don’t find that very funny. My brother was an epileptic and he died in the bath during one of his fits...”I said “Sorry mate. Did he drown?”“No,” he said, “he choked on a sock.”The wife came out of the bathroom and said “I have just shaved my bits and you know what that means don’t you?”I said “Yeah, the bloody plug hole is blocked again.”An Arab diplomat visiting the US for the first time was being wined and dined by the State Department. The Grand Emir was not used to the salt in American foods (French fries, cheeses, salami, anchovies etc.) and was constantly sending his manservant Abdul to fetch him a glass of water.Time and again, Abdul would scamper off and return with a glass of water, but then came the time when he returned.
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