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My life with Kevin was far fromhell. It was the happiest I remember ever being.Right now though, it appeared to be the antithesis, for it feltundoubtedly like the saddest.I had lost my unborn baby; and maybe my uterus too.I couldn't tell. My vagina hurt and I had a strong gnawing pain fromdeep inside my pelvis.I suppose that intense degree of discomfort was a strong indication Iwas alive.I was surprised I had survived. Meg must have got the clots out in thenick of time and I imagine I'd been stabilized enough to rush to theoperating theatre.There, I'd either had a Dilatation and curettage (D&C ) or ahysterectomy. (Removing the whole uterus.) A big difference I know butreally there was no way to be sure what had been done. Even feeling myown tummy didn't really help. The lack of an abdominal wound didn'tpreclude a hysterectomy. They could still do it transvaginally. Icould feel that I had a blood filled pad between my legs but I wouldhave had that no matter what was done to me.For. “Just because I don’t want revenge doesn’t mean I like you very much. I’m getting along simply because it’s easier than fighting. You don’t just flip around three years of bullshit in a couple months because Mommy and Daddy are upset. I am here for me, not you and not them,” I reference the entire family and Beth stares at me a little afraid. “Okay, I get it. You’re hard and I need to keep trying and be patient,” Beth says turning back to her plate and finishing her food. I don’t know if she got it from her sister and brother to keep trying but honestly I’m not here for her or the rest of the family. I’m keeping my money separate, I’m looking at my college options and I’ve been slowly filling out applications over the past couple of weeks. Yeah my plan to leave is still going since I’m not seeing a reason to stay. It’s nice to be privileged but for how much longer till things step back to the old ways of ignorance and pain. The rest of the day passes with no real conversation between.
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