Entered My Stepmothers Room

I worry that without him I can be so gloomy and withdrawn.But that's sort of how I am.I feel really weird admitting this, but I'm not a virgin anymore. I haven't told Tim and I know I should, but the way it happened is just so embarrassing. It happened with this totally lame boy from school, we had been drinking. He invited me into his bedroom, and he kept the lights off so it was totally dark, so I didn't see anything. Everything about that night is a blur. I don't actually remember anything and I filled with regret about how it happened.I wanted it to be something beautiful. Instead it was confusing. I guess I kind of wanted some kind of intimacy, but he just wasn't nice to me. I know I should tell Tim, I mean, he's my brother and we share everything, but the whole thing is so sad. I just need to push all that out of my mind. Try and pretend it never happened. All I could do at that moment was focus on my image in the mirror.I really don't know why I've been so weird about shaving. For such an open-minded society as she had grown up in she had struggled with a surprising amount of self-doubt and lack of confidence. So many wrong things and unnecessary constraints she had never realized until they had become practically invalid, only lingering in the heads of those who had stood under their command for too long.The first few weeks she had spent in the abanonded parts of the city and out here in the wilderness had allowed her to come to terms with being naked, which sounded weird even to herself looking back now. Sure no one could have stopped her from being naked at least in her own home, but for some reason Mona had always worn clothes if she wasn’t in the shower or taking a bath, hurrying from one uncomfortable set of clothes into a more comfortable one and even when she masturbated it had usually been at night before falling asleep and already under the blanket.Out here she was making a conscious effort to break self-harming habits like that, and the rough.
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