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My body was so lost in his caresses, betraying what my head said I should do…pull away from Ajay, pull away. But my body was quivering, shamelessly soaking up every moment of this intense, sensual lovemaking. The hand on my thigh curved inward…slowly moving up from my knee on the inside. His hand playing with my hip for a moment, moving his fingers over my pubic mound, sliding them inside of me so quickly I gasped with pleasure. Gently, he fingered me as my body was moving against him showing him the excitement he was creating…so he increased his tempo, slipping another finger inside. As he felt that I was close to climaxing…he rolled me onto my back…my hands shot to the back of his neck…and slipped into his hair. Leaning his head down close to mine his lips brushed against my ear…along my neck and onto my shoulder blade. As I started to moan, he captured my lips beneath his in a wonderfully tight, almost rough kiss. I was losing control…I had to touch him…I reached out and touched. I would know my child's gender just after the birth,as anyone else and this, if I chose the first option, would be thedifference between living in richness or in poverty. I was prepare toaccept poverty as a monk, but not as a mother of many children.As I was, in the forest ground, I did something I had least done in mylast night as male, I prayed. I prayed to God for guidance, forprotection, even for revenge against the ones who did that to me. I stayedthere, praying, recovering all the prayers I learned when I was a monk,and only late afternoon I returned to the Inn. My father had alreadydeparted, at least I would be spared seeing him again.During the next days I remained afraid, almost desperate, thinking aboutwhat the future would bring to me. I stayed in this state, until the day Iremembered the history of Christ's crucifixion, in particular the momentin Gethsemane in which He, in full despair, said to His father "Be done asYou wish, and not as I wish," just before being.
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