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" I smiled."How'd you manage that?" she asked."Connections," I replied cryptically. "It won't be ready until about noon, but I've got enough Marriott points to get bumped to the top of the list for the hotel here." I don't suppose you want to try and drive home?" Melanie asked, her voice hopeful."Not really," I frowned. "They're not used to getting so much snow this far south. It's six hours home under sunny conditions. Never mind this mess. I'd rather take my chances on a plane than on a road full of morons who only see snow once every five years. And there's no telling if they have the plows and salt trucks necessary to clear the roads." I suppose you're right," she sounded dejected."Let's go get something to eat," I suggested, trying to change the subject.We made our way to the food court. There were only a couple of places open for breakfast; we picked the one that served cafeteria-style.Filling our trays, we went to check out. She reached for her billfold, but I got my debit card. I heard scuffling and a female voice say "Get out of my way, you damn cat" and then the door was unlocked and opened. "Yeah?" said the woman visible in the small opening."Ass tax," I said. "You should have received official notification--" Oh, yeah, right," she said, closing the door and unlatching the chain, then reopening it. "I got it here somewhere. I never heard of no ass tax before." It's a new government program, designed to reduce bureaucratic inefficiency as a result of the Hmmhmm-Frmmhmmhmm Act," I said as she let me into the house."Whatever," she said as I followed her back toward the kitchen of her cheap, untidy apartment.Her place, and its occupant, were perfect examples of Jerry Springer America--the apartment dominated by a TV, food plates sitting straight on the roughly upholstered couch, beer cans and one of the Left Behind novels visible just under it. While she--how may I describe her loveliness? Fat ass in a too-tight pair of white shorts leading down think.
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