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"Baby listen to me, it's ok, it's ok I'm not mad. I'm worried sick about you. I know you've been through hell and I understand that you felt that suicide was the only way out, I get it, but it's not Kaylee, you have to be strong and find a way to get through it. I thought I lost you, you don't know how much it hurt me to think that I may have lost my baby girl." Mom said while she cried."I know and I'm so so sorry mom." I said."Stop apologizing hun please, it's not your fault, non of this is your fault." She said trying to make me feel better."Yes it is mom, I tried to kill myself." I said."No baby, listen to me, I understand that you tried to kill yourself and I get why. You went through hell baby, you have never been the same since the highers took Tree away from you. You still hurt from that and you hurt from what Tim did to you and now you're in a whole new world." Mom said."I wanted to die mom, I wanted to die so I wouldn't hurt anymore." I said."And I understand that baby, trust. And whereas a week ago I might have felt funny about wearingsomething out in public that might have been somewhat feminine, now I wasjust relieved that Pam would not make me go outside looking like a littlegirl! So, when Pam said, "Why don't you wear your blue shorts andstriped top outfit?" I was happy to comply.It was a beautiful, low-humidity, sunny day. We decided to walk toNordstrom's. Pam was holding my hand as we walked down the street. Idid not really think about how we looked, but we must have made quite asight. It was the first time I was out dressed like this in the daytime.I'm sure, dressed like a sissy, I looked younger than my twenty-twoyears. And the difference in size probably made me look younger as well.And because of her size, Pam's age was harder to determine at firstglance. So, it was possible that someone could have looked at us andthought Pam was the mother of a sissy boy, rather than my girlfriend. Itwas hard to know. Either way, we probably looked a.
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