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When she showed me the x-rays… and explained what was wrong… I thought they’d made a mistake, that they were someone else’s x-rays… they couldn’t be mine. I took it from you… your future… I took it from you with my carelessness. I was supposed to take care of you… that’s what we promised… I should have died then… in your place, not this slow lingering death, a year while the Devil’s bony fingers play with my lungs, gripping them, squeezing them dry of air… a relentless grip… until I draw my last breath. I don’t understand how this is fair, I was dying even then, the illness had begun its final relentless surge, why were you taken in my place? Where is the fairness? Why were you not spared? I don’t understand it. I’ve told them not to ventilate me when I can no longer breath by myself. For those first few months… alone in our apartment, resting with the Devil, empty in our empty bed, I was too ashamed to reach out for you, couldn’t accept your forgiveness, couldn’t forgive myself for. ." I felt my face flush red, and I became suddenly fixated on the coaster in front of me. "You have, haven't you." "Maybe." I mutter, still not looking at him. "It's no big deal." I don't mind, I never really even worried about it until tonight." He laughed and I looked up to meet his gaze. "It's flattering." "Okay." I sighed. "Seriously, dude, it's cool." He finished his second beer and sighed. "Want to get a six-pack and head over to your place?" I finished my drink quickly and nodded. "That way we don't have to worry about being too drunk." Sounds good," I smile back at him and he waves down our server to pay off the tab. "It'll be cheaper." Yeah." He grins at me funny, and I swear its almost lusty. "I just got to take a piss and we can head out." As I waited for him outside, I mulled over the idea of sucking his cock. Sure, I'd thought of it before, but always as fantasy and never as a possibility. On top of that I had heard horror stories of friends hooking up and making things.
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