.. 二 It was November, so it had rained and gotten colder, damper, as time passed deeper into night, and walking out of the restaurant, my breath appeared like vaporous mist.Appropriately, I selected “November Rain” from my playlist, blasted Slash’s glorious guitar into my earbuds and zipped up my leather jacket, stepped and dodged through the masses of humanity in the streets, and I let Siri guide me to the subway.There were 1.4 billion people in this country, and in places like Shanghai, it sure felt like that many…Everywhere, there were people. People on every corner, in every building, every car, every bus, pretty much every inch of the city center had a person in or near it.Most, like any metropolis, minded their business, hurried along, but I noticed an unusual number of obnoxious touts.The touts mostly fell into two categories: either halfway decent looking young girls, speaking perfect English, on about trying local tea, or short, pushy, tacky dressed middle-aged guys, like. Is it possible that I was one of these, able to cope with being a woman?Or was I completely convinced that I was a man, enough to make thechange back?Was I just protesting that I was a man, yet I didn't have the courage ofmy convictions? Maybe I didn't have the courage to become that whichJan warned me about becoming long ago, half a man.My actions used to define me as a man, but now my actions, mostly,defined me as a woman. And those actions felt natural. Some were adirect result of my new body, a lack of male hormones and theirreplacement with female hormones surely causing a toning down in mycompetitiveness and aggression. Some were a result of training andpractice, or drug fuelled instruction. Some were because other peopleexpected certain actions of me, and I indulged them.Maybe the question was really much simpler. Why did anyone care whetherI was a man inside, if I didn't look like one or act like one? Nobodydid. So simply for my own sake was I going to become a.
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