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It was better that I remain alone so that the cycle of abuse couldbe broken, or at least that's what I told myself.For the first time in years I found myself thinking about my genderidentity. Well that's not really accurate, I thought about it all the time,but this was the first time in a long time that I had really put any deepcontemplation into it. Over the years I had carefully constructed an imageof myself for the outside world to see. I did everything I could to appearas an ordinary guy, but that image was a lie. At one point I consideringseeing a gender therapist, but the thought of hormone therapy and SRS heldno appeal to me. I wanted to so desperately to be a woman, but I was talland was pretty well built like a tank. With my face and body I didn't thinkI could ever make a passable woman, and I'd always feel like I waspretending to be something that I wasn't.The tune changed to Norns by HeavensDust and I was about to reach down tochange tracks when I caught a glimmer of light. As you could imagine, I was soooo nervous and didn't really know what to expect, I wouldn't say I feared for my life or anything because I was confident if something dangerous would happen then I would be able to handle the situation, but I was cautious, but I couldn't tell anyone so I had to do this alone. Anyway the time that we agreed to meet was approaching, on a side note I hadn't slept all night, and me and him began talking around 7am, and agreed to meet at 11am, maybe that's why I found the courage to go through with it. Anyway I walked to his house and found myself there sooner than expected, I messaged him to tell him I was outside, then he opened the door and let me in, we said hi to each other and started going up to his room, once in his room he immediately began undressing while making small talk, this kind of threw me off but like a good boy I just followed his lead and began to undress too, I left my trousers on since I didn't plan on getting my dick sucked or.
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