As if it had read my mind my iPod sent me a song that sort of signified the end of my expedition, I listened as Bon Iver plucked her guitar strings and began to sing a much slower and calmer melody than the previous two tunes. ‘Travelling north, travelling north to find you/Train wheels beating, the wind in my eyes/Don’t even know what I’ll find when I get to you/Call out your name love, don’t be surprised.’ I turned a corner into a lot and saw my car, I noticed a glow inside and realized I had left my overhead lights on. I stopped the song in the middle to set my stuff inside. I looked in the back and saw I had dry clothes in my car from when I had changed after class. There was no one else in the lot and it was pretty much dark except for the light of the streetlamps. I took my tank top off first and slipped on a long sleeve cotton shirt, next I unbuttoned my pants. I looked up to make sure there was no one there. I was alone so I slipped off my khakis and tossed them in the back. But there was always something missing with us. I always felt so bad about myself, so inadequate to be her boyfriend. I was 20, but I felt like I was in my 40’s. That is, until I met Kevin. Jasmine and I had been dating since our sophomore year at college. It was great being with her and getting to know her. She talked about herself, a lot. I mostly just listened. I thought she was so interesting. There was always something she was hiding from me, though. Something about her family, I could just tell. It made me feel like I was untrustworthy and I hated it. As our relationship progressed, I started feeling less and less secure about myself. I started wearing sweat suits, talking to less people, every day was a gray day for me. But I couldn’t give Jasmine up, I loved her. Our sex life was only worst. Most days, I couldn’t get it up because I was so insecure about my penis. Everything about it. The shape, the size, the color. When I could get it up, the sex just wasn’t good. We only.
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