Then also he reminded us how we should behave in front of the people from the social services - after all, they were just doing their job.We were saying our final thanks and goodbyes, when he once again turned to me."Can I have a few words with you alone, young man - again?" Of course, sir."Marie looked a bit worried when she left the room with my aunty. Once the door closed the old judge turned to me."Eric, you can use that old incident as an excuse for this discussion. And as far as I know, all those three boys are doing fine. The change was good for them." Thank you, sir, it is good to know that. But what is the actual reason, then?" Young man, I think that I know just about everything that has happened. Are you sure you are ready and willing to raise a baby that may have been seeded by someone else?"I took a deep breath."Sir, to be honest - I do not know, yet. When I heard everything that happened, I knew that I was able to forgive her. I guess I had already done that before we. I had been dreaming about a sweaty backside for God’s sake. And being half out of it had been keeping me from screaming and going mad. There weren’t many people coming in and out of the waiting room but it was a true sign of how distressed I was when a homeless woman came in and I was about to hand her all the cash in my wallet for a pair of butt-ugly worn out Crocs. I was fully awake now and it wasn’t pretty. My breathing felt like a stabbing pain, laboring in and out with a shallow rasp. Please don’t die, please don’t die, please don’t die. I shook my head. Even though in my heart I knew it was useless, that it was like praying, sun, please don’t rise tomorrow, I still repeated the prayer over and over again. For the past five months part of me had been working hard every day to repress to repress the vision I had in June. Now it came flooding back to me in full force. The sword fell off the wall swinging down, end over end. The blade got sharper and more deadly with each turn..
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