"Why do I think those thoughts?" I think that women think like that because if a man forces them, ****s them, ties them up and m*****s them, then it's not their fault. A man will do to them what they want him to do, but by forcing them, so that they won't feel guilty about it."I giggled again. "I feel so guilty about thinking that way." It's only natural. You're Catholic." You're Catholic too." Don't tell anyone, but I guess that I'm not anymore."Now that's a way way big sin!"Lately, I've been thinking about riding the bus at night, thinking about it so much . . ." What if you just found a man, someone you age or a little older, and just give yourself to him, promised him that you'll do whatever he wants, whenever he wants, as much as he wants." I don't know. I guess I . . ." You want someone to take you, to force you, to make you do things, someone to choose you and not you him . . ." Yes. Last night, I, I drove my car, drove into the city . . ." I wanted him to think that he was. ”“I was carrying you. You were all taped up and I was carrying you and I dropped you. That’s when you got hurt. How was that not my fault?”“You remembered?”“Yeah.”“Well, do you remember when they first burst into the house and I got knocked down. That’s when I hit my head. That wasn’t anything to do with you.”“Oh.”“And then later you were rescuing me. You dropped me when you were trying to rescue me. I landed on my shoulder. It hurt but I never blamed you for that. I was dizzy from the knock on the head but I could have walked on my own if they hadn’t taped me up. That was horrible. I felt so helpless. They were going to hurt me and I couldn’t do anything about it. But then suddenly you were there and I knew I was going to be okay.”“I’m sorry you got hurt.”“So am I but the bruises are all gone now so it doesn’t matter.”We got into the elevator then so we had to stop talking or the others would hear.Later on, when we were leaving, Bec gave me a long hug and she whispered in my ear.“You.
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