What made this particularly bad was that your girlfriend dumped you, via fucking the Mall Santa, Barnaby Willows, a 30 something year old slob. Apparently, your girlfriend and Barnaby have been “seeing each other” since she hit puberty. At that point, you thought the worst would be over, but then your car dies 5 miles away from your house in the middle of a blizzard with no transportation. You had to walk hours in below freezing temperature, during which you didn’t have your jacket, leaving it behind during the shock of seeing your ex drool incoherently while her eyes rolled in the back of her head as Barnaby was slamming her from behind in the ass. The implications of this were worse than you expected when she told you firsthand how bad a lover you were in bed.So after walking back to the house and finding it locked, you scrambled for your cell, which it seems you either left back in the car, or dropped it along the way. The result was that you were forced to break into your own. Sheila had changed out of her going out clothes and was now in her “relax at home” clothes. “Hi honey, I am so glad you came up…come in here and get comfortable and please let me have a cigarette, I hope you don’t smoke menthol.”My initial feeling was, cool! She is making me so comfortable, but then again she thinks I am a girl. I quickly relaxed by exhaling deeply and said “Sheila, thanks for inviting me up, it is so nice to meet a new friend. I smoke Marlboro lights, hope those are ok.”The apartment was almost identical to mine. The only obvious difference was no balcony, but other than that the lay out seemed identical. I walked in and placed the wine and scotch on the mini counter that separated the living room from the kitchen. She had an identical living room to mine and her couch, coffee table and television were in the exact same spots as mine. I was glad there was only one lamp lit and the only other lights on were in her bathroom and bedroom. A dim lighting was only going to.
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