He asked, “You don’t like my speech?”“I really liked that bit about her being willing to climb the highest mountains in order to collect condor eggs to feed her innocent and starving babies,” Chom said.“I didn’t like that bit about offering herself to a dragon as a virgin sacrifice to protect her helpless babies,” Pip said. “I don’t like dragons and it’s wrong to sacrifice virgins to them. There are a lot of better things you can do with virgins.”Sean said, “I even thought he made her sound very motherly. I didn’t realize he was talking about my mother there for a while. I had no idea that she wept tears of grief every morning when I went off to school.”“I don’t like that judge,” Lilly said sulking. “He said I could go to jail and then never sent me there.”“For the thousandth time, no talking in the audience,” Judge Jack said.“You’ve only said that four hundred and eighty-seven times,” the gnome said.“Shut up,” Judge Jack said.“That you’ve said over a thousand times,” the gnome. "I don't know, dude. I don't know. Can't you do it with another girl first, as like a Heather stand-in? It's shocking enough just to see another guy have sex. And you're my best friend. I don't want to see you like that. That's freaky!" No, it's got to be Heather. I don't treat anyone else ... anyone ... the way I treat her, and you have to learn Heather's true sexual nature if you're to stand even a ghost of a chance with her. But don't worry, you're going to be shocked, but you're also going to enjoy yourself. I have a surprise or two for you."Alan laughed at that, but Sean couldn't figure out why.So, a few minutes later, Sean found himself in the bedroom closet, with his arms tied behind his back and a cloth stuffed in his mouth and tied around his head. The closet was stuffed to the brim with clothes on hangers, so he found himself in a narrow space between the clothes pressing against his back and sides and the slats of the door just a few inches from his face. The bed had been.
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