'Christ', escaped from my lips as he turned to face me, making no effort to cover himself, not that I wanted him too.'You cant talk Mariel', he replied to my exclamation, 'you touch yourself every night' he retorted in a triumphant glee.The realization my masturbatory exploits were being enjoyed by my younger sibling, silenced me, and by the time I had recovered, he was gone, but would be back, my shocked silence replaced by a sexual awakening, so I lay in wait ready to explore.He came back into the room, disappointingly, flaccid.'Where's your hard-on', I queried, my hand already between my own legs touching myself in eager anticipation of his return.'I came', was his reply, as he climbed back into his bed, he was looking at the bump in my top cover as my hand moved freely under it, rubbing myself.'Can I watch you', he queried. It was what I needed to hear from him, as I wanted to excite him, so with one sweep my top cover was down and my nude body exposed, as I continued my. I used to think that virginity was something that had to be savoured until marriage. That’s just the way it went when I was young but now that I’ve grown up and found this new dimension of myself, the marriage doesn’t matter. Neither does the wedding, reception or nuptuals. It’s the person. Only the person. Not the world around you, not the cars going by. Sometimes it’s just you and him and the rain. That’s how I felt that day.I hung up the phone, pretending things were normal. ‘Dad said he’ll be another hour. And I told him that I’ll get sommore shopping done but I think I’m skint!’‘Well, Jude, maybe we can spend time together that will be a Chrimbo present for you. Want to leave?’Thumpthumpthumpbzzzbzzzbzzz goes my heart again. ‘Of course. I’m baking in here it’s getting much too hot.’ We left, our fingers gently yet tightly interweaving. It felt so damn good to have a man hold my hand. I felt the roughness of labour yet the softness of love and intimacy and adoration. This must be.
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