In the spirit of battling her habits she decided to teach her mind a new way of enjoying her body, one that shouldn’t feel as new as it was for her. As she let the fingers of her right hand glide down and her left over her breasts right there in the middle of the room Jessica wondered how strange it was that with only a few exceptions she had always been lying down when she masturbated.With her fingers falling into circling motions she wondered further why she had until now never taken the chance to change that or even realized she could. She giggled slightly as she thought of all the other restraints social life put on everyone without anyone realizing.She had often experienced that when her class mates were appalled by actions she deemed completely normal, but failed to understand she was less free from such restrains than simply suffering from different ones.Jessica relived several encounters of the sexual kind she had experienced and what seemed like many a mistake in retrospect.. It had given me much to think about. Certainly she had told me that she'd had trouble and been the cause of much pain. I hadn't believed her though. Now, I had questions, some for Randi, but more for myself. I headed out to the walking path. On the way I made a short detour through the women's barracks. I didn't really want to talk to anyone, but knew that the only way the women who hadn't been chosen yet as concubines would become members of our community was if they were encouraged to see us in a way that wasn't adversarial.As I walked through our small community, I mulled over what I had learned so far. I asked myself if I wanted to continue to write about my past. I knew I didn't want to do that. Yet as I thought about it I knew that I needed to do it in order to get past some of the hurts; to properly salve and heal my wounds. I paused to stretch and pulled the first horrid thing from my memory. I realized that my father could have killed me or at least permanently injured me on.
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