I am very hard and my balls are turning blue. If you don’t let me put it in you, at least just for a minute or two, I will be in terrible pain all night. Let me just put it in you a little bit. We can hold still…Not move at all and my pain will go away. That is not having sex. You just have to let me do that,’ Todd said as he reached with his left hand, undid her belt, zipper, and forcefully pulled her pants part way down. As Trudy reached to stop the descending pants, Todd used both hands to remove her bra. With her bra and shirt pulled upward, Todd had his mouth on one breast and his hand on the other, but just long enough to distract Trudy. As her hand moved upward to defend her breast, he squatted and pulled her pants and briefs off. He was between her legs. Todd slid both his arms up under Trudy’s arms and raised them so that she could not reach below her waist. ‘Trudy, I need you so much, oh baby, you are so wonderful. I’ll just put the end in so that my pain will go away.. There were storied of people being given the sex of their choice when genitalia injured occurred. Then I could live the life I wanted to in peace, without bothering anyone.I lifted the knife above and closed my eyes. I could feel tears welling up inside of them. Questions penetrated my mind. How much would it hurt? How long before the bleeding subsided? What would my mother say? Would she allow me to be a girl? It was at this thought that I threw down my knife in tears. I shrouded my body in my covered and sat there whimpering, eventually crying myself to sleep, my head bedded in my pillow.That episode was permanent, had I gone through with it. Did I want a permanent change? The answer to that was simply yes. So I stand here now, now with my shirt taken off, staring in the mirror at a chest bound by three thick rolls of bandages.CHAPTER 3- PARENTAL CONFESSIONI needed to tell my mother about the changes I had taken upon my self over the past year or so. I had stolen her credit card.
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