So I got us a nice hotel room in Malmo, and made arrangements for Ahmed to visit us there. I remember feeling excited as I made the hotel reservations; thinking, in the back of my mind as I paid for it over the phone, that I was doing so in order for Alicia to be impregnated by this other man (instead of me)! In one way, that idea seemed such a strange one, and yet, on the other hand, I was undeniably excited (no I was feeling incredibly exhilarated) in doing exactly that!Whoever reads this must understand that I love Alicia very, very much! But whoever reads this must also understand the strength of both of our convictions that this was the most perfect way to go about doing something concrete and effective in lessening the influence, and the harm created by, the white supremacist narrative! This was the only way to do it. Laws against racism were fine, but we had seen how laws can be blocked, changed, or just ignored by the rest of our fellow countrymen; but what couldn't be. “What kind of problem?” You looked concerned, but not upset in any way. I had learned in the months I had worked with you that there was no situation that would come up in this business that you couldn’t handle. I had seen you be the one calm person in a sea of people who were out of control for one reason or another on many of the locations we had been on. “Unless you were planning on doing shots of necrophilia today, we don’t have a model.” “She didn’t show?” “No, she’s here. She’s passed out in the back.” “Ok, who can we call?” “Danielle’s already on it, but I don’t know who’s available.” You sighed and left the room to talk to Danielle. I wandered around the studio which seemed much larger without you. You seemed to fill every bit of it when you were shooting, but now it was just a big, beautiful room with fabric draped over furniture and falling to the floor. Sumptuous and sensual, you had called it when I moved things the way I wanted them before the models or clients.
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