We batted it back and forth for a few days without reaching much of a conclusion so they sent a couple of their brown-shirted and heavy-booted 'representatives' around to pay me a visit. Well, after a completely unjustifiable trampling of my hyacinths and the crystal clear implication that they were going to go all Kristallnacht on my greenhouse, I reached the conclusion that it might be in everyone's best interest if I answered one of the dreary letters currently lying in a heap on my doormat.And so, with absolutely no enthusiasm whatsoever, and definitely not giving a shit about the pathetic whinging words that follow, and chosen completely at random because I'm buggered if I'm going to sit down and read any of them, and in complete realisation that this sentence is going on forever and has five ands (six now) in it, shall we go 'to the letter'.I mean what sort of catchphrase is that? 'To the letter'!!! How limp-dicked, arid-cunted and anally uninspired is that? Is that what I'll. I found my black MotorolaRazr m(cellphone) sitting on top my television. I picked it up andunfolded it.It read, '9 missed calls.'"Damn!" I said.After checking it over I realized all the calls were from Claire. Shecalled nine times and I didn't answer any of them. What is going on? Whathappened to me for that matter? I picked up the phone and speed dialedher from my phonebook."Hello?" I hear a cute voice answer. It was Claire."Hey..." I replied."Michael? I saw it was your number on the caller ID." She saidnonplussed."Yeah...um, sorry about...yesterday." I told her."Oh yeah? I was worried sick. What exactly happened?" Well, I'm not sure." What! Did you fucking stand me up after school?" she said angrily."No! I swear to god. I was....sick," I lied, or maybe it wasn't a lie forthat matter."Sick? Did your dog eat your homework too?" She mocked."No, I'm serious. I swear to God," I said defensively.She was silent for a while.When her voice resumed she sounded a bit worried. "So...are you.
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