I was right, my brain was melting. I slowly fell backwards onto the bed, rolling onto my side when I remembered about my shoulder.“Look, some of this I know. My father’s major was in Philosophy, but he also had a Master’s degree in Social-Psychology. He always complained that you really couldn’t just separate the two disciplines. So he gave me a good grounding in sexual studies from the Kinsey Report,” I stated, “But what I did was violent, not loving,”“And she loved it,” Risa offered.“It was violence against a woman,” I corrected, looking at her. I scooted forward on the bed so my legs weren’t hanging off of it at an odd angle.“It was a display of male power and aggression,” Risa restated, “And believe it or not, there are women who not only enjoy that, but need it,” she stretched out in front of me and started playing with my nipple.“What? Like masochists?” I was really trying to make the leap. I really wanted to make this leap. The guilt was a deep root that was getting bigger and. "I am not justworried about being found out, I am also worried about what is happeningto me and my life." That's very understandable. As I said Saturday night, there may be moreto this than meets the eye, but I do not feel free to say more until Ispeak with your mother. Unfortunately, her phone and email are down,which must mean she is deep undercover somewhere. But be patient, if youcan." "I'll try, but it seems to me it's harder for kids to be patient thanfor grownups, don't you think so? And wouldn't you say I have morereason than most to be antsy right now?"She just reached over and gave me a hug. "Did you notice how you talkedjust like a girl right then? Instead of making a strong assertion, youturned it into a question, and asked me for feedback or support. Youhave also been ending your sentences with a rising inflection instead ofa falling one. You'll be fine!"I thought to myself, if I get too "fine" at being a girl will I ever beable to unmake myself and turn back into a guy.
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