But I just watched and listened. This is the first time I am doing this myself, and having it be Gloria only makes it that much harder.Ariel: Annika: They make us practice the first part of working with someone facing trauma. I am glad: I would not have gotten anything out without practice. “I am here to help you. Different people need different things, so we’ll need to figure out what you want. Some people want a shoulder to cry on. Some people don’t even want to be touched.”I feel unprepared and shabby. I’ve been conveniently ignoring the sexual violence of this world since shortly after Gloria left our class. I feel good about myself facing my little challenges: worrying what my fans will think, worrying how people will respond to David, and worrying about how I’ll respond to Nama’s Child. And then there are people like Gloria who face actual challenges. I have been so caught up in my own little world that I thought my challenges mattered in comparison.I might be succeeding at. After what happened I was bitter, seeing everyone else go about their uninterrupted days as I sat daydreaming about taking a walk across town. The worst part was that I wasn’t alone.When I woke up after what I now deem ‘The Crash’ -learning my life would never be the same- my girlfriend of eight months was beside me, her eyes so wide it made me want to shrink. We stared at each other as the doctor droned on about things I didn’t want to hear. The first day I was able to go home, I wanted to break everything my chair bumped against, and I’ve never been a very violent guy. Nita flitted around rearranging everything, trying to make my life ‘easier’.I hated it.We fell into a routine of handicapped parking spots and daily health regimes of pills and ointments, people awkward around me like I’m some sort of charity case or kids asking their parents if I’m a robot. As if being black isn’t hard enough. Nita has been more graceful about it than anyone, always her sweet and funny self,.
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