My story starts when I was about sixteen years old, and I was not doingall that well.I had been struggling with my gender for as long as I could remember, butit seemed like lately I could not fight any more, and cross-dressedwhenever I could. Finally, I had reached a point where I wondered wheremy faith in God had gone, and having prayed to have this need taken fromme for years without an answer, I reached the conclusion I was a lostcause.This led me to having a scary moment where I had a bottle of pills onbed, and I was trying to figure out how many would kill me, since takingtoo many would just make me sick. After more than an hour of looking atthe pills and fighting my natural instinct to stay alive, I gave up, andput the pills back in their bottle, and shook with agony and grief untilI fell asleep.The next day, I went out to a quiet field behind my house, sat down, andlooked up in the sky.Then I started screaming.I shouted as loudly as I could, calling God every name I could. "Good Morning. Say, haven't I seen you at Still Waters?" Yes. I'm Mary. I spend a lot of time here, now. How are you? " Fine, thanks. This is for Mr. Chance. Will you sign for it? Number four." Sure. He's busy right now... Here you are." Thanks, see you again. Thanks for using Federal Express." Bye."After the woman had closed the gate behind her, Mary hung up the robe and took the envelope to Ken."You had a look at the girl from Federal? She's a knockout." Yes, she is. Why?" I never paid her any attention when I was up at Still Waters. Today, she hit me like a club. Have you made a pass at her?" No. Not that I haven't thought of it." Mind if I do?" Okay, but do I get to play, too?" You bet." Good morning, Federal Express." Come on in," Mary said through the intercom and pressed the buzzer. She wrapped a towel loosely around her breasts and opened the door. The woman looked better than ever."Hi, what have you got today? And, do they let you tell your name?" I'm Iris. Just an envelope.
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