“So you believe your son is gay then Jackie.”“Well it’s obvious isn’t it? You just have to look at him!”“Well I’ve looked at him Jackie and it’s not obvious to me! I think he’s a bit young to properly determine his sexual orientation don’t you? I mean how can you tell if he prefers girls or boys? Most boys his age think that girls are pretty gross whatever their sexual preferences turn out to be in later life.”Jacqueline seemed puzzled. “But I thought from what you were saying that you thought he was gay as well.”“I have no idea whether your son is gay Jackie. But tell me something. Why do you think he’s gay?”“Because he’s so feminine Danny! He doesn’t act like a boy. He acts just like a girl!”Sarah had been keeping an interested silence up until now but at this point she blurted out. “Of course! That’s it! I’ve been trying to put my finger on it ever since I first met him. He looks just like a girl dressed up as a boy! It’s his mannerisms; the way he talks, moves, even the way he. I'mavoiding putting all my energy into finding a job even though my studentloan is running out and I need to pay rent. The pressure keeps building,but my job search continues to be slow and picky process, applying foronly a few promising things and naively believing I'll be selected.I'm incredibly lazy, that's true, but at the same time I feel like eachday I'm willing myself to die, so I don't have to carry on with thisgender struggle.These are my best years, but in a way they are as bad as some of my worstyears. This has happened before, before I decided to go to university. Iwas under pressure to find a job and instead I grew more and moredepressed.Maybe all this is why what happened happened. Maybe the powers that becould sense that I was getting close to the edge and they decided to giveme a break, to bring me back from the brink.I had gone to bed the night before wearing all of my padding. A sportsbra holding my fake breasts against my chest, hip pads stuck to my sides,spanx.
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