"Jamie, are you, I mean, well..." Am I what?" Are you a queer?" That's not a nice word, Penny. Homosexuals prefer to be called gay." I'm sorry," she gushed as she flashed red again. "I didn't mean anything bad by it." No offense taken. Sit here and we can talk," I said, pulling a chair back from the table.Abby had been watching with an amused smile. When Penny hesitated, she gently pushed her toward the chair."Sit and talk with him, Penny. He's interesting. Have you ever talked to a man before?" Not really. Junior's not much for talk unless it's about his hobbies. My daddy's the same way," she said as she lowered herself into the chair."Jamie's a good talker. Talk to him. Talk all night if you like. I'm going to get ready for bed."It took awhile before Penny came out of her shell. Once she got started, Penny herself was quite a talker. When Abby returned in her nightshirt, she saw we were engrossed. She excused herself and went to bed. We talked about everything except my sexuality.. My thoughts were a chaotic jumble. How did I feel about Charlie? I loved him. I hated him... not so much him but what he had done to himself and to Carla and me. He was an alcoholic — there was no getting around that. Intellectually I knew alcoholism was a disease but emotionally it felt to me like we weren't important enough for him to stop drinking.I hated what he had done with that woman. Did I want revenge on him? No, I really didn't see myself doing that. Sure, I have the same needs and urges of any healthy woman. Carla was too important to me — I had this scenario that would go through my head when some man would make a pass at me. It's like what my mom told me when I was a girl: "If you are going to do anything you aren't really sure of, stop and think if you would do it if Jesus were watching."For me, it was how would I feel and would I do it if Carla were watching. And I really did still love Charlie. It would be hard to take him back — it would be hard to forgive him. But I.
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