And one time in college I walked around the campus. Anyway I ignored all the signs being overly sensitive for a boy It should of clicked when I was diagnosed with disphoria. I knew I liked being girly but I really thought all teen age boys were like me. Always being a pretty-boy girls always came my way but they all end the same I get hurt because just like a girl I lack self esteem and I'm not controlling enough. Also I lack the testosterone to compete with other Men and now that older and I realized that I'm terrified of women. And eventhough Ive had some gay experiments I thought I was straight Men were not that attractive too me, until I was incarcerated for a couple of months and I saw this beautiful young Latin guy taking a shower I guess I never saw a Man totally naked his skin was so dark and smooth his butt was perfect I trembled and came without even touching myself. Needless to Say I tried to see everytimoe he was naked as well as half dozen hot Men in there. After. " "Larry, I wasn't looking for anyone before you came into my life. I was prepared to spend the rest of my life alone in my little dark corner." He sadly shook his head. "But you brought something fresh and exciting into my life. So much so that I couldn't even get a hard on with Ella. All I could think about was you. Jesus, I was willing to give you a shot, Larry." He shifted nervously. "But this last business . . . . " "Is this where I'm supposed to beg forgiveness and grovel?" "Hey, I don't give a shit what you do." Frank's expression turned cold and indifferent. "How nice it would have been to know that I brought something fresh and exciting into your life. Maybe I wouldn't have gone into a deep, blue funk . . . or quit my job . . . or bought a plane ticket for Chicago tonight." He sighed so deeply that I thought perhaps I'd reached him. "It wasn't just jealousy, Frank," I said carefully, knowing I had to level with him. "I figured that, even if I did get to first base, I'd still.
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