"And if the shopping was nerve-wracking (what would I say if another Navalwife saw me?) the day itself was excruciating. I was constantly ontenterhooks lest Andrew give himself away by some careless phrase orgesture. But in fact, it was all right and we got through the daysomehow. Robbie's wife Muriel said to me as they left that my niece wascharming and pretty, although a little forward. And Andrew was cock-a-hoop at having negotiated the day successfully. "They loved me as a girl,mummy." The only thing now was that he had a dress in his wardrobe, andinevitably he looked for other excuses to wear it. On trips to town, Ifound myself dragged into clothes shops and nagged to buy something newfor him. And while he was sweet when he was dressed up, and I was puttyin his hands when he implored me to be allowed to put one of his dresseson, and there was part of me that rather liked this game (as I thought ofit) I cursed myself for allowing myself to be gulled by a nine-year-old."You. “Got me horny.” “Lia . . . .” “Iris, come on. It’s late and I said I’m sorry. Let’s get into bed and I’ll show you how much. I’ll make it all up to you. We’ll talk tomorrow.” With her hands and mouth and our purple friend, she most certainly did make some things up to me. The talk, as I expected, never happened. It bothered me. I wanted more of Lia and she wasn’t willing to give. I didn’t know why and it frustrated me. Why wouldn’t she open up? I didn’t want every detail of her life, I just wanted to know about her because, damn it all, I loved her. At least, I loved her as much as I could given the limitations she put on herself and us. It made no sense and I was pissed at myself for it. I liked facts; I reserved judgment until I had as much information as I could get on anything. So why was I falling for Lia when I didn’t know what I needed to know about her, such as whether she loved me? Or even could? Why did I hope for more when she had given me no indications she would give.
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