. (Please attach rest of story... )INTRO #3: It was a dark and stormy night... (On second thought, skip this one. It's a stupid opening and totally unbelievable anyway.)Which brings me to my last point. We have to stop using dumb openings to these things. Just get the disclaimer out of the way and get on with the action. Our customer satisfaction ratings have slipped from 97% to 95.3% in the latest J.D. Powers survey, and I think our "too clever" openings may have something to do with it.And use a simple disclaimer, like: *Under 18? Go away.* That'd do it. OK, let's get to work. Oh, and Dick, please report to my office. It's Wednesday.ThanksM1KEBTW: In case you're wondering, we had to let Hugh G. Rection go. He just didn't fit in.Contest Entry #2Here is another entry for Celeste's Short Story Contest. The first entry probably didn't count anyway, 'cause it wasn't really a story. It was just a memo, which we all see too many of. This one isn't really a story either.It's more of a rant,. Sat. morning Ann woke me early and called me to the kitchen. Breakfastwas waiting and she directed me to eat while it was still hot. Bacon andeggs, pancakes, OJ, and coffee. I guess she forgot about punishing me. Imowed the lawn and Mistress came out and with ice water and brownies. Notlike her at all, something must be up I thought.At noon she called me into the kitchen for lunch. I was heading for thebathroom and she told me to eat first. I said I had to go to the john butshe insisted. At my chair was a large bowl of oatmeal and a grilledcheese and tomato sandwich, a glass of milk and more coffee. I finishedit all at her instance. I was trying to tell her I was full but she saidit was insulting for her to cook a nice meal for me and my not finishingit. She then refilled my oatmeal and said to finish it too. I felt veryoverstuffed. I asked if I could go to the bathroom now and she said Icould only pee. She actually stood at the door and watched me to makesure and told me that not.
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