I knew that Robbie was going to be at Erin's most of the day, but Becky and Mike disappeared as well."Mel, where's the kids?" They are spending the evening at Christy's. They have a movie that they all are going to watch together."Now I knew I was in trouble. She got rid of the kids to make sure that they didn't see the fight. She was going to blow and I knew it.We sat down to eat around 4. She had made one of my favorites, meatloaf. When we were all pretty much done, she finally started to get into what I expected."So how was your Thanksgiving Julie?" Pretty good. It was nice to go home. I didn't realize just how much I missed sleeping in my own bed. Those beds in the dorm are like sleeping on a wooden crate." Speaking of beds, did you enjoy taking my husband to bed?"Julie didn't answer. She got that guilty look on her face and suddenly was paying much more attention to the rest of her food than what was needed."What's the matter, can't answer that one?" I'm sorry Mel. It was stupid. I'll be the first to admit that when things would get hot and I was on the brink of erotic surrender, I would sometimes freeze up and ask him to stop. It had nothing to do with him. I was letting old tapes play in my head about being used, about men in my past who didn't mind sexing me up but didn't want a relationship with me. Charles wanted our lovemaking to be unfettered by fear or negativity; I didn't want to have any emotional blocks between us. And we both wanted us to join in a union of transcendent, unparalleled ecstasy so we waited until the time was right.Other times, the subject of sexuality never entered our evening experience. Sometimes, I could sense that I shouldn't initiate anything romantic or sexual between us because he was at his very limit for frustration. I would hug him and he would give me a look letting me know that I needed to back off. On those nights, after we would part, I would lie in bed alone, pleasuring myself, wanting to call him to me and invite him.
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