He'dshowed her a picture he kept in his wallet which he said reminded him of her. When she'd looked at it she'd seenthe naked woman in the picture did resemble her. She knew the body didn't look like hers, but was flattered. She'd leaned over to kiss him and he held her close and kissed her back."I want to see what you look like." He had said."What? Why?" She'd asked shyly. She could still feel the flush that had risen in her cheeks then, as she sat there thinking about it now."Can I tell you a secret, and you won't tell anybody?" He'd asked. When she'd nodded yes, he continued. "Sometimes, I lay in bed at night and think of you and all I can seeare your eyes, and all I can feel is you skin against mine. I don't know why. I just lay there and make my hard on go away as best I can. I don't think I love you or anything, I just think I want to know you in that way." Yes, you can. I'll tell you a secret too. Sometimes I wonder what it will be like for someone to touch me like I'm a woman. Not even my brothers or sisters. That in itself was not good for now, I have no one to turn to and share and confide in. A recipe for disaster and you can trust me on that. It’s now 20 years later and I am still with my wife. I used to tell people, and myself, ‘look how long we have been together’, it must be true love. True Love, I don’t even know if it exists for me any more. I know it did once, once upon a time, in a galaxy far, far away. But now, all I have is a life I sentenced myself to because I was going to be responsible for the children I brought into this world. I am a Father and I am a Dad. I wanted to be part of their lives and not at the edge but the center as it should be. So I stayed. I sometimes wonder about this decision. Was it worth it? I am now turning 50 years old and my life is normal from an external viewpoint but internally, inside me? I am a mess. I need some tenderness and understanding and physical contact. Touching, cuddling and so forth. These are things.
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